Chaotic Minerva

My right toe's been buzzing like there's a cell phone embedded in it on the vibration mode. Apparently, it's something called pallesthesia and happens due to over stressing yourself. I took a 3 hour nap to this piece of information. Funny, I was relieved to see the reason at least. And oh my, now I really want to go back to where I've migrated from. I can't stand this place, the people anymore. Waking up to nightmares isn't normal for me! Like this one, a few weeks ago: My physics tuition teacher comes in, to teach me music . I guess that's how much I miss my music classes. My mother, and my maternal grandfather are getting ready to welcome guests into the house (complicated, yet weird). They come in and my mother says "Sir just give us a few minutes before you start with the classes, a few guests have just come." I'm lying down on my bed. She sits in front of me and places her hand on my face thinking it's the bed, pressing m...

I've been quite late in even realizing the most basic things life has to offer me. Until a few weeks ago, a majority of the significant events were followed by me cribbing about them. However, I've been taught to get past all of it. As recent as last night, I screwed a great day up. Now there's this guilt building up (wow, is that new?) and that reminds me; I sometimes laugh over how I handle my bad-guilt-filled-days. So after I realized I screwed something up, well it was already bed time so I got under my blankets without even brushing my teeth or doing the rest, more like I wanted to escape from the gigantic waves of guilt gushing all the way down my heart. I woke up today finding myself to be at the worst state of mind (which is completely the opposite of what I was expecting) and now there's n o t h i n g I can do about it. Oh adrenaline, screw you. Nonetheless, I think I'm quite elated. Not for screwing up, but for myself, for the people around me and for ...

"The worst part of being truly alone is you think about all the times you wished that everyone would just leave you be. Then they do, and you are left being, and you turn out to be terrible company."                                                     ~John Green Everyday disappointments, tears on the way back home from school and gloom- it's now a routine. I lost parts of myself that I never realized were valuable; at least to me. Now that solitude has the throne of my mind, I decided to try to get those parts back. Started off with menial things like reading, which turned out to be bliss . The last book I read was The Martian for the umpteenth time, last December. I came across Turtles All The Way Down by John Green last week in the school library and I brought back the bookworm me from months ago. I am in complete awe of this book. Aza Holmes, th...

We always try to make sure that our weaknesses aren't displayed to others, but some way or the other they just get revealed and make us regret on our actions. According to me, the biggest weakness ever and the most difficult task as well- is to keep our calm. Why do you think then, that anger management is such an important aspect when it comes to personality grooming? I adore those who are able to do it with great ease. However, it isn't easy for everyone. When you lose your calm in front of someone else, the situation gets super awkward and this some time even ruins relationships, take it from me; a careless, short tempered person. I hardly think about the other persons' point of view or the repercussions of my actions. It gets so difficult to accept an action of someone else that you wouldn't like, which leads to loss of temper; atleast for me . And what happens then? The other person just gets to see a side of yours that you definitely wouldn't like to dis...

It's funny how everyone around me manages to keep things to themselves and never express because hey, they don't want you to judge them on what their "real" self would be like. Keep in mind: I'm not denying the fact that we don't have different sides to our personalities and would definitely not want others to know what our sides are.  Why am I oppressing something that is natural to a lot of people? Well, I always lived in an environment where secrets never existed, that's super obvious when you're around people you grew up with. Having migrated to another place five months ago, I see a different side of the world- different perspectives. It doesn't serve me any good. It's like a meek cat being introduced to a pack of lions- it's the same family, yet very different in features and behavior. In the past five months, I've seen people having low self esteem- those who want to change themselves to probably be in the good books of the...