Finding myself

"The worst part of being truly alone is you think about all the times you wished that everyone would just leave you be. Then they do, and you are left being, and you turn out to be terrible company."
                                                    ~John Green

Everyday disappointments, tears on the way back home from school and gloom- it's now a routine. I lost parts of myself that I never realized were valuable; at least to me. Now that solitude has the throne of my mind, I decided to try to get those parts back. Started off with menial things like reading, which turned out to be bliss. The last book I read was The Martian for the umpteenth time, last December. I came across Turtles All The Way Down by John Green last week in the school library and I brought back the bookworm me from months ago. I am in complete awe of this book. Aza Holmes, the protagonist, is going through a series of mental illnesses- anxiety and OCD. She doesn't speak much, unlike her chatty best friend, Daisy. Amidst the story, she thinks that her anxiety and her state of being makes her a boring person. She eventually accepts the situation she is in decides to progress and of course, let go some of the things and people she was attached to.
         
The lines quoted in the beginning is from the part where she finds herself to be uninteresting. One hundred percent, I see myself in that situation. Quoting Aza, it's a spiral I'm stuck in. 
Often, I get afraid about everything that happens, because it's not normal. Then I get afraid about the fact that I'm afraid and the spiral continues.

Is it going to remain this way? Maybe.



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