Chaotic Minerva

Fear. Fear of fear. Fear of being feared. It's powerful (understatement). However, when you do overpower your own fear (or even try to), you are a true warrior, buddy. "I'm in love, but now I'm scared" "Scared of what?" "Of losing my significant other" This monologue has played in my mind throughout (ugh). Now basically, when you're loved immensely, you never question whether you deserve it or why you're even receiving that love. On the other hand, when you're hurt you immediately think that what's happening isn't right. Strange.

To be very honest, I don't know what this feeling is- the feeling I'm feeling off lately. I feel angry, lonely, helpless and boredom adds on to all of it. You know the well known advice slash statement, "You learn from your mistakes?" Well, I rarely learn from mine. I've always successfully ruined my piece of mind by two things- keeping expectations and overthinking. Recently, I've been doing both together; double trouble time! I, am fucked. Really. Sometimes I let my thoughts overpower me so much that I can't get myself to stability. I really wonder how I managed to study for my half yearly exams this time, amidst the flood of billions of things running in my mind. But whenever they did run in my mind, something that really got me to study was thinking about my better half. Every time a thought troubled me, I was say to myself, "he must be studying, you should too." Yes, that's weird. See, thing is, I'm very competitive. Doesn't ma...