Marhaba'a

It's like the never ending spiral. Because guess what, fear is the biggest fear?
I feel terrible, I just don't comprehend why. Me 4 months ago v/s me now isn't even me. (Wait, did that make sense?) HOLD ON, WHO AM I?
All I know is, I need someone who would listen to me, who would just be there. Things have changed. I can't go to anyone anymore just out-of-the-blue bringing in my life's issues.

It all happened so quick, part by part resulting in this jumbo anxiety, yes.
Started off by me going through a bad phase for almost two months till the end of last month (what is this, my diagnosis slip?), continued by my foot buzzing like never before followed by my palms sweating terribly when I'm afraid of I-don't-know-what followed by my digging my nails into my palms when I get a panic attack, usually at school followed by a buttilion more things.

I don't know what I'm really fearing, I just know what the possibilities are. So if someone would ask me what was wrong, I possibly can't answer them, damn it! That just leads to me wanting to talk to someone, but an inability to do so.
Long story short, I feel like I'm holding onto an iron pole amidst a tornado. Either I just keep holding on till the tornado stops, or I chose to be thrown away into nothingness by it.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

so long

So how much sad did you think I had, Did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I'd go? Before I'd self-implode Before I'd have to go be free You swore that you loved me but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days And I'm just getting color back into my face I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place For so long Had a good run A moment of warm sun But I'm not the one I know we won't wait  but I'm going to grow up and come find you so long, love of my life
Read more

मेरे प्यार को तुम मिटा ना सकोगे

मुझे तुम नज़र से गिरा तो रहे हो मुझे तुम कभी भी भुला ना सकोगे ना जाने मुझे क्यों यक़ीं हो चलाअ है मेरे प्यार को तुम मिटा ना सकोगे मेरी याद होगी, जिधर जाओगे तुम, कभी नग़मा बन के, कभी बन के आँसू तड़पता मुझे हर तरफ़ पाओगे तुम शमा जो जलायी मेरी वफ़ा ने बुझाना भी चाहो, बुझाअ ना सकोगे कभी नाम बातों में आया जो मेरा तो बेचैन हो-हो के दिल थाम लोगे निगाहों पे छायेगा ग़म का अंधेरा किसी ने जो पूछा, सबब आँसुओं का बताना भी चाहो, बता ना सकोगे मेरे दिल की धड़्कन बनी हैइ जो शोला सुलगते हैं अरमाँ, यूँ बन-बन के आँसू कभी तो तुम्हें भी ये अहसास होगा मगर हम ना होंगे, तेरी ज़िन्दगी में बुलाना भी चाहो, बुला ना सकोगे
Read more

half a heart

the car slowly got smaller and faded into nothingness, as my heart was sinking  the best four days ever came to an end. i guess this is what happens when you love someone, and they're not always around our lives are centered around 'when are we meeting next' the longing and the anticipation- most days exciting, some days frustrating  and when the time finally came, nothing else mattered nothing. his arms became my home for those four days, something we yearned for months, brightened up my soul like some weird neural signal  and suddenly, as the car disappeared, this feeling of emptiness dawned upon me: "i feel like, half my heart was just ripped out of my body without my permission and i feel tears trickling down my cheek which are full of memories from a love story to last a lifetime, once again holy shit, is that what it means when people say their soulmate completes them?" because i would do anything ANYTHING to stare at those beautiful brown eyes   to rest m...
Read more