Chaotic Minerva

So how much sad did you think I had, Did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I'd go? Before I'd self-implode Before I'd have to go be free You swore that you loved me but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days And I'm just getting color back into my face I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place For so long Had a good run A moment of warm sun But I'm not the one I know we won't wait  but I'm going to grow up and come find you so long, love of my life

the car slowly got smaller and faded into nothingness, as my heart was sinking  the best four days ever came to an end. i guess this is what happens when you love someone, and they're not always around our lives are centered around 'when are we meeting next' the longing and the anticipation- most days exciting, some days frustrating  and when the time finally came, nothing else mattered nothing. his arms became my home for those four days, something we yearned for months, brightened up my soul like some weird neural signal  and suddenly, as the car disappeared, this feeling of emptiness dawned upon me: "i feel like, half my heart was just ripped out of my body without my permission and i feel tears trickling down my cheek which are full of memories from a love story to last a lifetime, once again holy shit, is that what it means when people say their soulmate completes them?" because i would do anything ANYTHING to stare at those beautiful brown eyes   to rest m...

There's a boy. In the past 3 years, he has made me feel everything a girl could possibly feel: happiness, endearment, security, sadness, frustration, comfort. I ended with comfort because the thought of him still gives me utmost comfort. Being with him taught me so much about love and companionship. I realized that it's not all about compromise, it's an act of sharing; sharing opinions, sharing values.  It almost feels like he has occupied a hundred percent of my heart, and my heart keeps growing with fondness everyday to take up more space in my body; that's how I feel when I think about him not being in my life at the moment and heave that heavy sigh of helplessness. Geographical distance made us end up where we are today and every passing day with the thought of him is difficult.  He's made me feel the butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of love, the background-music kind of love. I look at him and I know- I want to be wearing his ring on my finger forever, no matter ...

It's the first day of a brand new year. Started off in the rockiest way possible, but I wanted to take a peek at my slightly younger self by the end of the day, to look for something that I eventually ended up finding. Not too young, just me from two years ago. Broken heart, learning to live with herself, struggling with growth and prosperity. All I needed reassurance for was that these things will come and go and at the end, you could just look back at it and take a laugh. Just like me reading my older posts right now. This year, I ask for the strength of mind to say what I have in my mind.

Fear. Fear of fear. Fear of being feared. It's powerful (understatement). However, when you do overpower your own fear (or even try to), you are a true warrior, buddy. "I'm in love, but now I'm scared" "Scared of what?" "Of losing my significant other" This monologue has played in my mind throughout (ugh). Now basically, when you're loved immensely, you never question whether you deserve it or why you're even receiving that love. On the other hand, when you're hurt you immediately think that what's happening isn't right. Strange.

To be very honest, I don't know what this feeling is- the feeling I'm feeling off lately. I feel angry, lonely, helpless and boredom adds on to all of it. You know the well known advice slash statement, "You learn from your mistakes?" Well, I rarely learn from mine. I've always successfully ruined my piece of mind by two things- keeping expectations and overthinking. Recently, I've been doing both together; double trouble time! I, am fucked. Really. Sometimes I let my thoughts overpower me so much that I can't get myself to stability. I really wonder how I managed to study for my half yearly exams this time, amidst the flood of billions of things running in my mind. But whenever they did run in my mind, something that really got me to study was thinking about my better half. Every time a thought troubled me, I was say to myself, "he must be studying, you should too." Yes, that's weird. See, thing is, I'm very competitive. Doesn't ma...